The Big C

The Waiting Game

One of the things I found hardest about going through cancer is all the waiting. It’s not just boring annoying waiting, like when your train is delayed. It’s mind messing torturous, will it be good news, bad news or terrible news kinda waiting. It starts with the biopsy results, which I talked about in my ‘Lump Day’ blog, you think that the worst is over but the waiting torture continues.


After my initial diagnosis the hospital wanted to send me for an MRI to check if there were any other tumours in my breasts that they couldn’t see on the ultrasound or mammogram. I had to wait for another two weeks for the MRI. I felt pretty positive about the scan and was sure they wouldn’t find anything else, but sometimes the mind monkeys would creep in and scare me with images of tumours all over my body.


An MRI scan is a very strange experience. I had to lie on my front with my hands up in a superman style post and my boobs hanging through a square gap in the bed. You wear a hospital gown to cover your modesty but it’s still pretty undignified. Then you’re left in the room on your own with a big machine chugging and clicking around you while making a beeping noise like a very loud lorry reversing. It is mega loud, so loud that you have to wear ear defenders. I googled why it’s so noisy but it’s pretty complicated, basically to do with very strong magnets expanding. I gave the technician music to play, James Bay as I find him relaxing, but to be honest I could hardly hear him over the din of the machine. They asked me to lie still which gets pretty hard after 45 minutes and my head got a little numb resting against the pad. To help highlight any tumours I was given a cannula and an injection of die was administered toward the end of the scan but I didn’t feel a thing. All in all it was a pretty painless procedure just weird and made me feel a bit like I was being studied by some alien robot.


At least this time I only had to wait a day for the results but just to freak me out even more the hospital called two hours before my appointment, while I was eating my lunch and asked me to come in early so they could check something that had shown up on the MRI. I tried my hardest not to get stressed and wanted to finish my sandwich but my husband was freaking out and off we rushed to the hospital. Next thing I know I’m getting an ultra sound and the doctor is poking about in my boob trying to bust, what they are hoping is a cyst, with a pretty enormous needle. It took a few attempts, which was pretty worrying as she explained they would have to biopsy it if it didn’t turn out to be a cyst which would mean more waiting. Thank goodness it went pop, I swear I heard it and felt a little splash and the small dark circle on the ultra sound disappeared. Phew!!


So off we trot back up to see the surgeon, everything else was fine on the MRI and I’m booked in for my operation on Tuesday. Tuesday Oh my goodness! That’s only 5 days away! It’s was definitely a good thing it was going to be done quickly because I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping much with all the nervous waiting.


I was told that after my operation the tumour would be frozen and cut into slices so they could investigate if the cancer cells were close to the edges, which would mean another surgery or if they had got it all out in one go. They would also remove some of the lymph nodes under my arm to check if the cancer had spread further afield, the results for this would be given ten days after my operation so guess what? More ………. Waiting!

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